Tuesday, November 20, 2007

What is Full SDLC?

SDLC means "Software Development Life Cycle":

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

Programmer Joke

A programmer fell in love with a lady.One day they met in a park.
As our programmer is a Chain Smoker he always smokes.
On one day lady gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover:
"Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"

The boy replies back:
"Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

Wedding Query

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND CarCount > 2 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus= 'B.TECH or BE or Degree or MCA or MBA' AND HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND HavingSisters ='No'
AND AllowRelocate ='YES'
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Monday, November 5, 2007

Medical Advance in Myanmar

When 3 doctors meet in a seminar,
English doctor said we have advanced in medical & we now have a man who can live without both kidney for 3 years
American doctor said we are more advanced & we have a man who can live without both lungs for 5 years
& suddenly
Burmese doctor said we have brain surgery and we have brainless people who can rule the nation since 1988.